"POLICE NEAR PITTSBURGH HAVE CONFISCATED WHAT THEY SUSPECT WERE 50 TO 60 SMALL BAGS OF HEROIN FROM A THIRD-GRADE STUDENT WHO WAS PASSING THEM OUT AT HIS SCHOOL"
"HENRY COUNTY SHERIFF GIB CADY SAYS THE SEARCH FOR WHOEVER NAILED A CAT TO A UTILITY POLE IN RURAL GENESEO LAST WEEK WILL CONTINUE UNTIL THE CASE IS SOLVED"
INVESTIGATORS SAY A SOUTHWESTERN ILLINOIS MAN ACCUSED OF STRANGLING HIS WIFE AND THEIR TWO SONS CONSIDERED GETTING HIS VASECTOMY REVERSED SO HE COULD FATHER MORE CHILDREN AFTER HE DIVORCED"
"A SOUTHWESTERN ILLINOIS WOMAN IS ACCUSED OF LEAVING HER 3-YEAR-OLD DAUGHTER TO WANDER A MOTEL ALONE WHILE THE MOTHER WOKRED AT A STRIP CLUB"
"A KENTUCKY SHERIFF SAYS A CLAUSTROPHOBIC DEPUTY HAS LOST HIS JOB AFTER ACCIDENTALLY LOCKING HIMSELF IN A JAIL CELL AND TRYING TO SHOOT HIS WAY OUT OF IT"
"AN AIR TRAFFIC CONTROLLER AT NEW YORK'S KENNEDY AIRPORT IS IN HOT WATER AFTER HE ALLOWED HIS YOUNG SON TO RADIO INSTRUCTIONS TO SEVERAL PILOTS"
"POLICE ARE SEARCHING FOR A SUBURBAN DALLAS MAN ACCUSED OF DECAPITATING HIS WIFE WITH A CHAINSAW"
"DECATUR RESTAURANT OWNER JAKE ALIU WAS SURE THE GUN POINTED AT HIS HEAD WAS A TOY... SURE ENOUGH... HE GRABBED IT FROM THE WOULD-BE ROBBER"
